It's not often that I write about personal matters. It's actually a little bit of a rare thing for me to do, talk feelings or emotions that is. As I sit down to write this I can't help but think am I saying too much, will anyone read...will anyone in reality care?
The last couple of days I've been a little off, it might have to do with the season changing from cold, to warm, to cold, to hot all in the matter of mere weeks. It throws my balance off you see, once I thought I was I thought I was moving very easily on a balance beam I somehow found myself a gymnast losing her step and landing on her bum.
I've been grappling with a couple of changes I made in my personal life the last couple of weeks, and to be honest I've been a little down in the dumps because of it. Although I made the choice to end certain circumstances that no longer served me, I also allowed myself to reopen a door that should have stayed shut. The aftermath of that decision has left me a bit shaky, uncertain, and even a little sad, full of regret.
When I do things I later regret I always find myself questioning all of my actions around that thing, that moment, that person. It's something I'm quite good at, picking apart every little detail of the action, of the memory, of the past. It's a fault, something I think we all do, I could be wrong.
While picking up this latest blunder of the heart, a blunder that was preventable, a blunder that not only left my feelings hurt but maybe someone else's also bruised, I came to realize with the help of a pal that....I'm being way to harsh with myself, that yes although I made the mistake I can't abuse myself with the "what ifs" or the "I shouldn't have done thats." We are all human, we all act out in different ways, we can all learn from our mistakes and we can all choose to not dwell in them. Most importantly we can find balance in them, while we can attach blame on to ourselves we can also distribute it evenly. In doing so, we can find balance, a way to stay upright and steady in the process so we don't all together fall apart while in motion.
Photo Sources || One. Lust Local || Two. Oh Happy Day